Magick without the lust for results

or
Marrying Magick and Wu Wei

I have been interested in magick from a young age. It the beginning my spirituality was much informed by the desire to get somewhere. In my psychedelic experiments I was motivated partly by the desire to escape, to find the white rabbit to lead me out of the matrix of illusion, to find the exit. In my spirituality I was trying to escape Maya, to transcend the ego, to become a better person. ‘This’ was never enough, ‘I’ was never enough. And I was always striving for something just around the corner.

During one of my travels I met with a Zen teacher who showed me that all striving and desire to get somewhere results in suffering. The bigger the distance between where you perceive yourself to be and the place you want to be, the bigger the suffering. Longing for enlightenment can be seen as as the biggest suffering.

This meeting and the following study started a process of giving up my will, giving up all striving, and learning surrender to the now. Striving to become enlightened is futile, because your ARE already that. This is it. This is in every way perfect. You cannot make yourself into something you already are. All that striving does, is reinforce the illusion that you are not already enlightenment itself. It is insanity that the wave believes it needs to do something to become the ocean.

I left the path of magick for a few years, wholly devoted to discover what it means to be living in surrender, going with the flow, and discovering the path of non-doing or spontaneous and natural action: Wu Wei. This time culminated in a period of intense introspection, Who Am I really? It finally ended in a crisis, insight, and a death and rebirth experience.

Not too long after that, my energy was going outward again, into life, into the world. Slowly I was being pulled back onto the path of magick, which definitely feels like a calling now.

Yet how do I marry my previous insight of the inherent perfection of this moment, of living Wu-Wei, the sense of a Self that does not need to go anywhere, with the seemingly apparent striving of the path of Magick? In its lowest expression (not lowest in sense of wrong) magick is about changing your life, your circumstances, which is in my view a necessary phase of learning that you have some magickal control over your life, yet not always. It can be a process of discovering your True Will and brining your life in alignment with it.

In its highest expression, Magick is about becoming more than human. It starts with integrating and harmonizing the personality (again bringing it in harmony with the True Will, making it its perfect expression), and becoming a conscious extention of the Creative Force of the Universe, yet this can easily become a new form of striving, especially since we have these ideals in magick of Ascended Masters, Secret Chiefs, of super humans: the true Adepts.

Alas, in magick I see a lot of either striving to become one one side, and illusions of grandeur on the other.

So how do I heal, that is, make whole, in myself this apparent dichotomy of two views?

What if this life is pointless, a play of light and illusion, played by consciousness itself? What if we are that consciousness, needing nothing, already perfect. Why do anything?

Well, after this long introduction I am finally coming to the point of my story, the answer that is emerging in my life at this moment, and hopefully is of a little benefit to someone out there too.

We are here to play.

When you see this world as illusion, yet o so full of life and light and possibilities, and realize that it is a gift to be here, to experience, both the pain and drama and the beauty of it. Then something new begins to emerge. In a most fundamental sense it is illusion, pure nothingness being the only truth, emptiness dancing, yet this is also everything there is, the only truth we can experience.

What begins to emerge is the desire to play, to express, to love and to enjoy, just for the sake of it. My playfulness is without purpose, without the lust for results, and every way perfect! ‘My’ life becomes an art-form, an unique expression of consciousness.

So life is no longer about what I want to achieve or become, but about what I want to express, or better, discovering what wants to express through me and devote my life and personality to that expression. And to mold life and personality to be the transparent channel of this expression. To become Art, and to die every moment to my Art.

Part of this expression is to strive for things, to have goals, hopes, dreams and fall in love. Do we dare to be foolish and throw ourselves into this? Even knowing there is no future, nothing to attain? And if we die right now, without ever achieving our grandest goals, can we die fulfilled?

In this way our Magick can become pure. It is who we are. It wells up from deep within, not because of need, but because of love and joy.

So, for now, I have resolved the issue: I do magick because I feel called to do so. Because it seeks expression through me. Because it gives me the tools express my deepest longings, and bring myself and my life in line with these longings. Yet if I die right now, and achieve nothing, everything is perfect. The longing has been expressed perfectly, this moment.

Ah play!
Just for the sake of being,
I am.

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The Big Bang and me

In the beginning there was vibrant Emptiness,
unknown to Itself.

From Nothingness came a point of Light,
and from that Unfolding Light, came all that is.

This is the story of creation as we understand it. We call it the Big Bang.

We might think this is a nice story of our past and has nothing to do with us now, but actually, this process of everything coming out of nothing is happening constantly. We find this story in the science of quantum fluctuations: that at every moment out of the quantum vacuum, matter and anti-matter particles (yin and yang) are born and fall back into emptiness.

Even closer to home. When did I experience myself coming into existence? I am not asking about the story other people have told us about our birth, but when I first became aware of being. Where was I before that, did I come out of Nothing? Or at sleep when my conscious awareness leaves me… and then in the morning I float in existence out of nothing again!

And right now, is this Big happening in my experience? For example, where do our emotions and our thoughts come from? Where do they go to when they leave? They see to come and go in emptiness.

Looking deep into ourselves, what are we really? Am I these thoughts and emotions? What is seeing these? Could it be I am this emptiness, this formlessness in which all form appears? This emptiness seems to be aware and becoming aware of itself in us. We call it empty, because it has no form of itself, yet it is vibrant, alive, aware, and the ground of our being and all that exists. Might this empty awareness we experience as the ground of our being  actually be the same stuff as the emptiness from which the Big Bang came?

And so we can see that what the story of the Big Bang describes, is actually happening every moment in our own experience.

I am the Vibrant Emptiness, the Nothingness.  And at the same time I am also the unfolding light in form, ever finding greater expressions of itself. It gives me great joy to be so intimately connected with the mystery of the Universe.

I hope you did not find this too abstract. What I desire to express is the joy of becoming aware of the Mystery that we are. It is a great Mystery just to be here. We exist and are aware of it. What a miracle!